*-AN uNHoLY WReCK-* (unholy_wreck) wrote,

i cant take it anymore. i feel like ripping my fucking hair out and bashing my head into a wall. i'm frustrated. i'm aggravated. i cant stand myself. this happens every now and then. i get in these moods. self hatred, anger, depression, insecurity, unhappiness all balled into one massive fucking fist pounding me every god damn day. over and over and fucking over and over...i cant stand to be alone with myself because i think i'm disgusting. i try mixing things up, i think of ways to make myself prettier. things i can do to appear to look more attractive. nothing works. nothing i think of i can accomplish. it leads to failure. i'm disgusting. i'm a fucking failure. i get dressed up, take new pictures that come out horrible because my face fucks them up. EVERY time, my face fucks the picture up.

i dont know where to go from here. drugs are getting more and more appealing. i see my life on a downward spiral...and sadly, i dont want to do anything to change that. let me rot. let me fuck my entire life up. i've already done enough damage. 5 years down the road from now, i'm going to be a drug addict. i'll probably have a child. i'll lead a normal looking life, but what people wont see is the drug induced haze that i'll constantly be living in. life doesnt seem appealing without drugs anymore..
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